Sunday, September 30, 2007

Return to Light

Return to Light

I go through these cycles sometimes where all I can think to do is sort of isolate myself from everyone and everything. I definitely went through that much of this year---starting in March, when life took some unexpected twists and turns.

The thing about these periods is that I lose touch with almost everyone, family, friends, acquaintenances, all those people that life is too short to really let get too far from hand.

Changed careers recently. By changed I mean more or less I got fed up with the old one, and have decided to go a different direction although that direction is unsettled. In the middle of semesters is the most productive time to think about going back to school because you can't. When a new semester is coming is the best time to come up with excuses why you can't. Trust me, I'm 27 and I've got some sort of amalgamation of 2 years worth of college credits but only the technical credits I would need to be a Nuclear Engineer, which does you no good when you want to be a teacher.

I rediscovered bowling and poker. That's about all I do aside from work. See some of my friends here in Auburn but definitely not as much as I would like. Would like to get home to Scottsboro to see it before all the greenery coming down Sand Mountain from Section dies but I hear it's half dead anyways and time is running out. Oh well maybe next year.

As we get older the bad things we never could imagine happening to us or anyone we know start happening more regularly. This is not fun.

I have tried internet dating lately to mixed results. I'm too flighty in real life,and if someone is not in that inner sanctum of my continuously shifting madness, then it is hard for them to keep up or understand. I like most females, and especially if they seem to like me back at all, and then I guess I try and grasp for all the other reasons why it must be right. It's usually not.

There was a girl I've had a crush on for something like 6 months, longer maybe even if I think about the first time I ever saw her which was over a year ago but at the time of course I wouldn't have even THOUGHT about it....but anyways I finally got the courage to ask her out on Friday and she had plans all the way through Friday and gameday Saturday. Said she would call Sunday. Didn't. I called her Monday and she said she would call me this week sometime. My phone is out of minutes now so who knows??? This girl (I say girl but mean woman....I've never grown up in vocabulary) is the same age as me, beautiful in all regards, single, etc etc. Kinda trying for WAY out of my league and in the middle of a job change is probably the worst possible time to tackle that challenge. But who said I ever do anything the easy way??

I don't care that much. I mean, maybe if there is such a thing as "The One" she will pop out of some woodwork or some life-coincidence-meeting or the internet and then it will work. If not I'm sorta getting used to bowling, playing poker, writing, and being alone. Maybe this was what I was made for. Thinking about how I was as a kid and as a teenager, I wasn't much different then, except I played sports I was less good at, and played games that I made no money playing. Now at least I have adjusted to things I can pretend to excell at.

I first played poker for money with Ben Keller, Tutt Rhodes, David Sanders, and several other people back when I was 17. Used to go with BK to Huntsville and play people there too. I was sorta a rounder before I ever knew what it was. We always played draw. If someone would have told me at 17 I could have just grown up to be a poker player and not something important or requiring of a college degree, I would have been on that like crazy. In the Navy we had Friday and Saturday night 7-Card Stud games, and I did well in those too. Then I get out of the Navy and about 2 years later discover that "Texas Hold-em" is all the rage, learn that, and can hang with some pretty good players now. Got destroyed last Saturday night. First major loss in 3 months or more. By major loss I mean I lost $40. That's still not fun. Forty is sorta my limit.

I don't gamble on bowling. It is the only sport I still routinely play that brings back that child-like zeal for life.