Nick NITELITE Saban routs Tommy Bowden

Nick NITELITE Saban routs Tommy Bowden
for Gods Among Men: Coaches and Coordinators in the SEC


No, that was your future flashing before your eyes....


Clemson came into the Georgia Dome Saturday with the confidence of an annointed champion. The preseason hype had centered on the returning starters, on the talent at the skill positions including the best running back tandem in the entire country in CJ Spiller and James Davis. Tommy Bowden's 10 years at Clemson had finally culminated in the kind of team that justifies taking a decade to assemble, and some were whispering "National Championship" as the payoff.

Equally, Alabama was being heralded for many reasons, even if many thought them to only be a middle of the SEC team to start out the season, there was little doubt that Nick NITELITE Saban would be able to recruit players and out-coach his opponents. Overcoming the glut and decay of the Mike Shula era should take some time, but more than just the Alabama faithful had a feeling that the Alabama recruiting class might make an immediate impact. Forbes Magazine's recent profile on Saban is on it's third printing, and the message from the article was that Saban is the Czar of Alabama, top to bottom, and with that type of control, the price is immediate results.

The Most Powerful Coach In The History of Human Athletics, Nick NITELITE Saban, made good on his steep salary Saturday as Alabama destroyed Clemson 34-10 in the ACC's third consecutive national television debacle of the first weekend of the college football season.

Bowden was the Great Hope of 2008 for the ACC, if only to prove that the BCS bearth earned via the ACC title was legitimate. Very few if any prognosticators around the nation were picking Alabama to upset Clemson, and certainly, not so one-sidedly.

"Our players played with confidence," Saban said. "I didn't see anybody scared out there. I didn't see any fear."

"I cannot remember us getting physically beat that bad in at least three years," Clemson coach Tommy Bowden said.

"It's one game," Saban said. What our players, fans, everybody needs to understand is it's one game. We need to keep playing better and improve."

Early Sunday, Coach had this to say regarding Bowden's future, "Talk about a disaster, Tommy Bowden’s Clemson team didn’t even bother to show up to play against Alabama. Is anyone coaching this Clemson football team, which entered the game against Alabama with four times the experience and twice the talent of the Tide? What a complete and total letdown by the Clemson Tigers, and their fans should be storming the Clemson football complex on Sunday morning once they get out of church. What exactly is Clemson paying Tommy Bowden $1.85 million a year to do? He is not coaching the Clemson football team, so it couldn’t be that, and this incredible no-show by Clemson in this game against Alabama raises some very serious questions...What an embarrassment Tommy Bowden and Clemson are to the great Tiger fans, because Bowden and his football team basically just laid down on the field at the Georgia Dome and let Alabama run all over them with impunity....If Tommy Bowden and his staff think they can coast in ’08, put up a losing season, and still keep their jobs, they are badly mistaken. With all of the talent on this Clemson football team anything less than 10 wins would be coaching malpractice and a losing season would have to be followed by the immediate firing of anyone involved in running the Clemson football team...Right now, it looks as if no one on the Clemson coaching, or on the football team gives two rips about representing their university in the appropriate way...."

Many had thought that there was a chance Bowden would abandon the obvious gameplan and attempt to air it out, like some amateurish video game player. Which, incidentally, is exactly what happened. Alabama, on the other hand, never once gave any indication that they saw themselves as the "underdog" in this game.

John Parker Wilson looked vastly matured, the Alabama defense was absolutely stifling, and Mark Ingram and Glen Coffee seemed to average at least about 11.4 yards per carry.

Clemson as a whole played Saturday like a team impervious to the preseason rankings to the point of not caring whether they represented themselves and their conference in any positive manner. All of those sorts of problems begin with the coaching staff.




earlier this summer Tommy said, "Yes, there is a really logical reason I am golfing and not coaching my team. We're gonna run over Alabama with our eyes closed....".

"The biggest thing was the point of attack. Our offensive line couldn’t handle their defensive line and our defensive line couldn’t handle their offensive line. They are a very physical offensive line and defensive line." Bowden said, describing his teams most obvious failing.

Bowden on the bull's eye his Top 10 team had prior to the game, "When you start out ranked as high as we did and you play a pretty good team you better understand what you have to do to defend that right and it looks like we didn’t understand."

Bowden on questions arising that his practices are not tough enough, "Toughness wasn’t a question last year. Toughness hasn’t been questioned for three years and we haven’t practiced any different. I would think things like this would kind of pop up when you lose like that."
Tommy Bowden, on immediate plans to improve his now demoralized and retreating program, "We will probably have to take Bobby Hutchinson out of his coach career a little early. Everybody else is here. We will have to work with what we got…. Wilson Norris, Mason Cloy, and on down the line..might possibility take a redshirt year off Matt Sanders."

Alabama Head Coach Nick NITELITE Saban regarding his feeling after the game, “I am really pleased and happy for our football team. We talked about finishing and playing with a purpose and focus on each play and play hard. Our defense did a great job against a really good running back tandem. I thought our offensive line did a great job tonight. We ran the football, which seemed like the right thing to do. We averaged four or five yards per attempt. I thought both running backs did a really nice job. John Parker Wilson did a great job. This is just one game of a long season. We have a lot of improvement [to make] as a team and hopefully we can build on what we did here tonight." Then, going back to Wilson, "John Parker Wilson did a great job. He gets us in the right formations and gets us in the right plays. He did a nice job throwing the ball tonight and had no turnovers. He made some really good third down throws. I am really pleased and happy with his performance. He showed great leadership tonight.”

Alabama quarterback John Parker Wilson later said, “We came out and started strong. We’ve talked about finishing and this time we did. The offensive line did a great job and we ran the ball well. Everything just fell into place. If we can [continue to] run the ball the way we did tonight, we can be pretty good. Our defense did a great job in stopping the run.”


"I wonder if JoePa is going to retire soon....Or I could always go to Pitt...."

Tommy Bowden and Nick NITELITE Saban Collide!

Tommy Bowden and Nick NITELITE Saban Collide!
for Gods Among Men: Coaches and Coordinators in the SEC


"So that's Nitelite? He doesn't look that scary..."


The Clemson Tigers have been clamoring for recognition this off-season, and with an assembly of talent unmatched in the ACC, if the Clemson "Snooty" Tigers can get by Nick NITELITE Saban and the Alabama Crimson Tide tonight in the season opener, the "Snooty" Tigers should experience clear sailing until they reach the ACC championship game. A big part of Tommy Bowden’s team’s success this year may be attributed to the contributions of true freshman DE DaQuan Bowers, who many considered to be the nation’s best overall recruit. Expectations for Clemson are the highest since 1991.

The truth is this: if Tommy Bowden fails to put away Alabama tonight, he will likely be out of a job come January. If the Tigers fail to win the ACC or make a BCS Bowl, I think Tommy Bowden will be sent packing. Tommy Bowden’s ass should be immune to heat after years of under achieving, but it will be the hottest season yet if his Tigers don’t deliver on lofty expectations. Given the right circumstances, the biggest of which is the current weakness of the ACC, and it is foreseable for Clemson to work their way into the national championship debate. But if Clemson loses to Alabama and Nick NITELITE Saban, Bowden will return to his annual spot on the hot seat. Clemson never seems to do anything that truly impresses people. Alabama might have had the best recruiting class in the nation this past spring, but James Davis, C.J. Spiller, and a talented and deep Clemson roster look to steamroll the best Saban can patch together this early into the season.

While Tommy Bowden is a nationally recognized choke artist, and Saban could clearly out coach him with an equal team, Bowden may benefit from having caught Alabama early and inexperienced. Bowden has been on the hot seat more times than the number of pairs of ugly sunglasses that his dad owns. Saban will out scheme and out play-call Bowden to keep this one close even though the talent levels are not even comparable.

If there are any two coaches that cannot afford a loss on opening day it is Tommy Bowden and Nick NITELITE Saban. Bowden is entering his tenth season at Clemson, and has recruited a very talented group of players onto this ’08 team, so there is no excuse in the world for Bowden and the Tigers to lose to a second year coach that took over what was nothing more than a demoralized football program when Saban arrived in Tuscaloosa in January of 2007. Bowden has everything going for him in this game, and a loss to Alabama in a game that Clemson should not only win, but dominate, would be the first and quickest step to an abrupt exit. Tommy Bowden enters Saturday night’s game against Alabama on the Hot Seat in front of the entire nation, and it will be very interesting to see if Bowden can step-up and prove he deserves to be mentioned with the best coaches in the game. Lose to Alabama, and it might lead to the entire season unraveling for Clemson. It will be a fascinating match up to see how Bowden and Saban perform under the pressure of the national spotlight.


"...damn I hate losing...."

2008 SEC Football Preview

2008 Southeastern Conference Football Preview
for 24-Hours of Propaganda

The Fear is upon us all. From Little Rock to Gainesville. It's always pretty bleak in Baton Rouge, and Nashville has never really had a reason to stop Fearing. Nick Nitelite Saban knows The Fear, and Spurrier thrives on it. Sometimes, late at night, Houston Nutt touches himself while thinking about it, and even Bobby Petrino knows you can't buy it for all the money in the world.

The Fear.

The Fear is we might suck this year. It is the secret unsaid thing in the hearts and minds of football fans all over the SEC. Really, it would be The World, but it is only here that Football replaces The Virgin Mary almost universally in the Holy Trinity. Godless California, USC, the PAC-10, these people view football season as the off-season for such manly sports as gymnastics and indoor track. Lacrosse is really big in the Northeast, and in the midwest it will always either be Hockey or Basketball season, with baseball left over for the dweebs. This is the time of year when all the sweet illusions of the off-season start to crumble. The new kid's arm ain't that good, he can't even complete a flag pass on command. The running back's knees are shot. That new coordinator is really just a media darling with no idea what to really do. Some people see the L's in their eyes when they close them at night, trying to forget them and get just one more decent night's rest before another grueling and Fearful season. Sylvester Croom only sleeps good this time of year, better than you think he should.

GEORGIA: The biggest story in Athens this off-season is the three-headed single team race for the Heisman Trophy. Everyone in the world, even Thailand, knows that its either going to come down to Tebow, or the player most instrumental in Georgia's defeat of Florida. Tebow could still win in the balloting, but a UGA win wo0uld be a handoff to either Matt Stafford, the undeafeated in four years of starting in high school quarterback and pretty much just as awesome in college quarterback, Knowshon Moreno, who is not going to be sneaking up on anyone this year and is, in fact, not the re-incarnation of Darren McFadden because Darren McFadden is, in fact, alive and playing for the Oakland Raiders this year, which is actually a fate WORSE than death but for that kind of money who cares, and Mark Richt, who is so insulated from the outside world and commonly accepted reality his inner circle's failure to tell him that he cannot in fact with the Heisman Trophy as a coach has caused many a countless hour of wasted off season time. The good thing is that UGA is so stacked that the entire first team on both sides (minus Moreno and Staff) and they would still steamroll almost anyone on their schedule. Unfortunately, this year, UGA is being served up as one of the Sacrificial Bulls for the PAC-10 to cermoniously abuse and slaughter. If Mark Richt can get his head out of his rear, maybe he can figure out a way to outcoach the Out West Vertical Offense. In the mix also is Steve Spurrier, who, as his personal mission of creating and destroying young men's lives, sees it as his duty to trounce either Tebow, Stafford, or both. He doesn't necessarily have anyone on his team, aside from an outside shot by Kenny McKinley, to WIN the Heisman, but Spurrier gets off on nothing more than being able to personally influence the race for the trophy he won back in 1966.If UGA can get through it's brutal schedule undefeated and win the perfunctory SEC Championship, then a National Title should only be one game away.

FLORIDA: The same could be said about Florida. The same could be said for a lot of places, but in Florida, this is the words on the lips of every Gator Coach, Player, and Fan. The problem for Florida's Coach is that he will never outlive the shadows of Steve Spurrier, the close proximity of the unfulfilled dreams the Miami Dolphins had about Nick Nitelite Saban's aborted tenure, Bobby Bowdens undead rotting carcass running amuck in the forests of Seminole Country inseminating bigfoots on a quest to create more Terry's and Tommy's, Larry Coker's disembodied and purgatoried spirit wandering the lonely nightime Florida coasts reliving the moment of blowing The Big Game, over and over, every two minutes until God feels he has paid for his sins. So whoever is coaching in Florida, they must surely feel good about life right now having Tim Tebow, the Greatest Football Player Ever, on their team. Think about a Mike Vick who can throw and not fight pitbulls and smoke weed at practice and on airplanes. Think about a Broadway Joe Namath for the modern generation (the one that won't remember Brett Favre in a couple years). Think about a guy who can win entire football games on his own if only you could make 10 almost as athletically talented clones of him. Archie Griffin has already ceeded his place in history as the only person to win The Heisman twice, because, unless Staff can beat him, Tebow will win it again this year. Not even a miracle season by Jimmy Clausen could stand up to the unbelieveable scary talent of Tim Tebow. Recently, the Pricipality of Dubai surrendered to UF, thinking that their odds of being able to defeat them were little to none. Dubai has yet to understand the complexities of football, unfortunately, and it may take longer than Tebow's college career for them to catch up with Syria's uniquely perceptive National Mind for our National Game. Soccar's reign as the world's most popular sport is in decline, and the NFL's global reach is rising on an average of a yearly veiwership increase of 15%. Tim Tebow was the prototypical quarterback to run the spread offense, and UF will likely rollover almost every team they play like the good ol' Spurrier Days. The secret plan of the Miami Dolphins is to throw a majority of their games until Tebow is available in the draft. They can't afford to lose another franchise player like Darren McFadden ever again, especially one Florida born, raised, and triumphant. The sadder thing is that Tebow might be destined to be the 21st Century Archie MANNING if the Dolphins evil plan comes to fruitation.

SOUTH CAROLINA: Steve Spurrier has been working a lot of overtime this summer. Not because he has to, but because he wants to. Knowing that he could be the Heisman Spoiler on two of the strongest candidates the SEC has had in recent memory, his quest to succeed in demolishing them both has known no bounds. Earlier in the spring Spurrier spread rumors around Dallas, Texas, Stafford's hometown, in the hopes of rifting his relationship with his then girlfriend, a high school sweetheart. Months later, in June, Stafford responded by dating one of Spurrier's neices in a high profile and short lived fling that ended up on the pages of a July issue of People Magazine.Spurrier's personal rivalry with Tebow has cooled, and no off-the-field tactics have been reportedly been used since Tebow won the Heisman this past December.Unfortunately Spurrier's Coup De Grace of recruiting Chris Smelley out from the under the University of Alabama (to make up for not getting a shot at Tebow) has panned out as less than successful, and as is common, Spurrier has been trying different options at Quarterback after being disappointed in the play of both Smelley, Tommy Beecher, and the other couple of no-name quarterbacks on his roster, trying out the punter who had played QB in high school junior varsity and also running several plays in practice each day out of the Wing-T. Look for a 6-WR spread offense again with whichever WR can throw best three yards behind center on opening night versus NC State. Kenny McKinley is poised to finish his career as the statistically best reciever in USC history, edging out Sidney Rice who he shared the field with his first two seasons.

tennessee: Fat Phil Fulmer's decade's old "relationship" with a pool boy of foreign descent ended this spring, apparenty on "amicable terms" according to the San Francisco Star, and many in Rocky Top are holding their breathe in concern on what ol' Fat Phil's mental state may be by season's start. TENN's inability to recruit a decent qb prospect since Peyton Manning will be obviously apparent this year, as even half-metally challenged Erik Ainge is now playing with blocks with a college degree and out of college, finally. Think of this season as Fat Phil's last time around the block. Many people are.

Kentucky: Boring.

Vanderbilt: Snooze button.

ALABAMA: Unlike Auburn, everyone in Tuscaloosa knows who the starter is. John Parker Wilson is back for his senior campaign, and watch for a competant season from him, and if any of Nick NITELITE Saban's miracle dust can rub off on any of his skill players, Alabama stands poised to take The West. QB controversies kill teams before the season begins, and that is the one thing that there is no question about in Tuscaloosa. There are a lot of other questions, such as, "Is Nick NITELITE Saban worth $32 million dollars? Can he beat Auburn? Will he stop being so mean to his players?" But those questions are all stupid.If you are anything like you, you spend a significant part of the off-season watching CSS Football Replays, and I am reminded of a sequence from a game I saw about a month ago. Alabama had just got intercepted a decisive pass and the offense was transitioning onto the field. The play was almost started before the defense called timeout, and as the players ran off the field Nitelite grabbed one of the linemen and started sceaming at him, ripping his chinstrap off of his helmet completely and kicking him not only off the field, but sending him to the showers. Because my experience with deaf people I could read his lips, which were saying something along the lines of "get the h*** off the field, I'm pulling your scholarship, don't even be IN the lockerroom when I get in there", and John Parker Wilson was trying to convince Nitelite that it had in fact been the other team that called timeout. Too bad for that kid. But that's the kind of "on-the-edge" coaching style that got Nitelite bestowed with the hatred and mire of almost every single person he has ever coached at any school or team he has ever worked at. You gotta love him. The Alabama Fans are still enthralled, but when his records start to reflect his totalitarian personality negatively, watch for him to dart Bobby Petrino-style to the best offer his agent Jimmy Sexton (who is also Bobby Petrino's agent) can scrounge up on a moments notice. Alabama wins the west because no one else in the west knows who their qb is gonna be, and by the time they figure it out, it will be too late.A star defensive tackle, remarking about Nitelite on CSS "Under The Lights", "He used to make grown me cry in the Pro's. What do you think he does to us kids?"

AUBURN: Tommy "The Riverboat Gambler" Tuberville's inability to man up and call his two quarterbacks in his office and walk out with one the clearcut starter and other the reserve/back-up is going to cost Auburn games this year. Maybe a few of them. Maybe all of the big 6. It will cost Auburn games in the future when it is difficult to recruit players to come to Auburn, especially Quarterbacks. It may cost Tommy Tuberville his job, faster than you can imagine. Kodi "Blunt" Burns does not have the arm that football-launching Chris Todd brings to the table. Either way, Tuberville would be better to pick one or the other and go with it rather than try the time-tested and always-failed technique of rotating quarterbacks(other than for specialty running plays). This will spell disaster for Auburn, and the season will be an embarrassment that will take years to recover from. Combined with a better than expected season by Alabama and we will be spelling TRAGETY in the headlines, this year, and for a long time to come.

LSU: Ryan Perriloux was poised to be a complete disaster at quarterback for LSU, a highly unstable and irradically behaved off-field imbriglio on track to be an embarassment to his Team, his School, his Family and his hometown Community. Having achieved that, LSU wisely decided to move on at quarterback, and Perilloux will be Jack State's mess to deal with. The QB situation is uncertain, and if they can solve it quicker (my guess, HATCH) and with more certainty than Auburn, look for a decent championship defense.

OLE MISS: Following what passes for "The Best and Most Reliable Information" coming out of Oxford, Mississippi, Houston Nutt has sequestered himself in the isolated outpost, possibly completely alone and strung out, using techniques that are beyond the pale of acceptable human behavior. With dictatorial control now over the entire football program, Nutt, in the words of one of his inner-cabal of yes-men and neophytes, "has access to too much money, too much equipment, and little by little we are all going insane."

Mississippi State: Sylvester Croom suicide watch, as usual, 24/7.

Arkansas: Bobby Petrino, who has the same agent, ironically, as Nick NITELITE Saban, is entertaining offers, as always. No offer is too ludicrious, especially the deeper into a losing season he plummets.