The Worst Showing Ever For A Top Five Team?

The Worst Showing Ever For A Top Five Team?
for 24-Hours of Propaganda



Saturday night's 35-3 colossal rout of Ohio State by the USC Trojans may be viewed in the future as one of the worst showings ever by a team ranked so highly.


Like Tommy Bowden and the Clemson Tigers in Week 1, The Ohio State Buckeyes entered Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum last night with the air of a near-future conference champion.

Not even Chris "Beanie" Wells, once considered a front-runner for this year's Heisman Trophy, could have saved Ohio State from the beat down that took place. Wells was being called "The Favorite" to win the award, ironically, before a single snap was played this year. Instead of a season-long coronation of what Jim Tressel and the Buckeyes feel is the greatest running back to ever live on the face of the planet, Wells was sidelined after being injured playing the criminally bruising and often dangerously mean Youngstown State Penguins. In the meantime, Wells sat out the Ohio game, during which time many speculated as to the nature of his injury, as it must have been so minor that it defied explanation by the OSU medical or coaching staffs. Indeed, Wells participated in more than 75% of the practices leading up to the USC showdown, but late Friday evening Jim Tressel told the assembled media that he was not going to play Wells, and that it was his decision alone to make. Indeed, the team medical staff cleared Beanie to play as early as Thursday.

Some media sources had been hyping Ohio State since early in the spring as "Clearly The Best Team in The Country".

It could have simply not been any clearer to Jim Tressel, the Ohio State players, and their parent organization how important this game was.

Jim Tressel alternated between both quarterbacks Boeckman and Pryor, sometimes rotating them each play, which even if it worked initially, had it's eventually debilitating effect on the offense.

Boeckman, the fifth-year senior who was supposed to have the experience and knowledge to keep the game under control, completed 14 of 21 passes with two interceptions, one of which was returned 48 yards for a touchdown. Pryor, the versatile change-of-pace quarterback who has been a relative unknown quantity outside of Columbus, Ohio, completed 7 of 9 for 52 yards and rushed 11 times for 40 yards. He didn't have any turnovers.

The Buckeyes had 177 yards and 13 first downs at halftime. They had 30 yards and two first downs in the second half. On six second-half possessions, the Buckeyes punted five times and were intercepted once.

The loss of Wells prior to the game does not explain getting thoroughly dominated on both sides of the ball, resulting in the worst defeat endured by Ohio State since 1989.

Twenty starters returned from last year's 10-2 team that got taken apart by the LSU Bayou Tigers in January. Several players that could have defected to the NFL draft in the spring returned for this year's run, and all probably saw their NFL stock plummet.

The loss was such a monumental collapse by a Top 5 Team that it begs the question--Is this the Worst Showing Ever for a Top Five Team?

One thing that is true--Ohio State did not even play well enough to test the conventional "wisdom" that USC is the best team in the country.


"...even I don't believe it..."

UCLA, which got hammered 59-0 yesterday by BYU, will likely put up a much stiffer fight when the two teams meet up in their annual rivalry game.

With only Notre Dame (who defeated Michigan 35-17 also Saturday) and the PAC-10 schedule remaining, USC is poised to make their now traditional run through their conference, perhaps get tested by Jimmy Clausen and Notre Dame and make travel plans for the BCS National Title Game in Miami, January 8, 2009.

Hopefully a more worthy team than the Jim "Not Woody Hayes" Tressel led Ohio State Buckeyes will be there to give them a real game.

Coach on the possibility of a re-match between USC and OSU for the BCS National Title, "...the possibility that the Buckeyes will be seeing the Trojans again is not that far-fetched of an idea. Yes, the BCS is that Fucked up!"

Coach then continued, "Of course, if the Buckeyes can get off the mat and teams begin fall away in the coming weeks, and Ohio State rolls up some wins, the boobs in the Harris Poll will forget the 35-3 beatdown that we all witnessed in the Coliseum...Yes, the BCS Boys have created such a fraudulent system, such an embarrassment to the great game of college football, that the worst nightmare scenario of a rematch of USC and Ohio State is a real possibility! Yes, the team that got their ass handed to them the last 3 times they have played legitimate football teams, could BE PLAYING FOR THE NATIONAL TITLE IN JANUARY! We would say this BCS was created by morons, but that would be a terrible insult to morons everywhere."

Coach on Ohio State, "Yes, Ohio State can beat Big Ten teams, but they cannot beat the best teams in the game of college football today."

Tennessee loses in Overtime to UCLA, Phillip Fulmer Dazed and Confused, Slick Rick is Back!

Tennessee loses in Overtime to UCLA, Phillip Fulmer Dazed and Confused, Slick Rick is Back!
for Gods Among Men: Coaches and Coordinators in the SEC


it always feels good to beat Tennessee

The Rick Neuheisel era in UCLA is off to a dramatic start with a 27-24 victory in overtime versus 18th-ranked Tennessee. Quarterback Kevin Craft rebounded from what many would consider the nightmare of quarterbacking, a first half with four interceptions, to lead a miraculous come from behind victory. The Tennessee Volunteers went into halftime up 14-7, but during the second half excellent play by UCLA's quarterback and defense kept them in the game and pulled them away from the under-inspired Tennessee team. Tennessee had hoped to rebound from a 45-31 losing performance against California the year before, but failed to live up to advance billing.

Tennessee represented The SEC, who came into the game as the defending national champion conference with a 10-1 mark on opening weekend. The sole loser from the SEC before Monday Night's game was Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech, with Sylvester Croom's crew losing unceremoniously and unexpectedly. UCLA represented the PAC-10 in this showdown, which was 6-3 entering the contest which also reflected two inter conference games played on the opening weekend.

Fat Phil Fulmer's team looked well prepared in the first half, and Jonathan Crompton, Tennessee's oft-injured quarterback in his first starting action, played well throughout. UCLA quarterback Kevin Craft, on the other hand, threw 4 interceptions--the first two coming on sequential plays--in the first half and had he not already been the third-string starter without replacement he would have likely been benched somewhere between interceptions two and four.

Instead, when asked if he considered giving the quarterback the hook at halftime, Neuheisel said, “I told Craft that I threw four interceptions in my first start, but (Coach) Terry Donahue waited until the third game before he pulled me.”

Craft, who started five games at San Diego State in 2006, became the UCLA starter after Patrick Cowan went out for the year with a knee injury in spring practice, and backup Ben Olson broke a bone in his right foot in practice on August.

A good deal of press had gone into UCLA declaring to USC, the perennial PAC-10 powerhouse that dominates in the polls, BCS rankings, and millions of fans worldwide, that their reign was coming to an end, presumably because they, UCLA, were going to magically become good overnight. Every match-up between SEC and PAC-10 teams draws a great deal of attention, and last year Tennessee went down in the season opener to California.

What about this new guy Neuheisel? "Every sign points to falling in love with him," says analyst Larry Brown, "I’m not. I see a disingenuous snake creating something too good to be true. I’m guessing the joy of this win won’t be felt in five years when the program’s on probation."

The UCLA Bruins seemingly made adjustments well throughout the game, whereas Tennessee never seemed to alter it's offensive or defensive schemes. Besides injuries, general fatigue and cramps seemed to hamper the UCLA Bruins worse than the Tennessee Volunteers, who are used to playing at a much higher elevation. This could be a concern for UCLA when they have to start playing the likes of cross-town rival USC, or a few of the other speedy PAC-10 teams.

As expected, Tennessee special teams suffered from the loss of veteran punter and star athlete Britton Colquitt. A blocked punt resulted in UCLA's first touchdown, and in the moment, a seeming shift in momentum that petered out well before halftime with little result.

The difference between a first and third string starter at quarterback was immediately obvious, with all three of UCLA's opening possessions ending with long interceptions. Three of Craft's four interceptions were thrown right at defenders, beautifully arched and placed balls, lofted, and straight into the hands of opposing players--Rex Grossman ("As long as someone catches the ball, it is not a wasted effort") would have been proud. Jonathan Crompton, who was noticeably held together with what must have been a hectare of medical tape, performed serviceably throughout the game, countering concerns about his toughness and durability.


"...if we can hit field goals like Alabama, we can beat anybody..."

The kicking game lost the game for the Tennessee Volunteers, more than any other single component. Crompton was competent, Arian Foster was dazzling in flashes, and the Tennessee defensive backfield shut down the UCLA passing game almost completely until the fourth quarter.

“They were crying about the quarterback situation; I knew darn well they’d be ready for us,” Fulmer said. “We made enough mistakes tonight to fill three or four games. We will play better teams than UCLA is, and I know we’re a better team than we were tonight.”

“It was just a matter of settling down,” Craft said. “I wasn’t nervous at all. I just wasn’t in a good rhythm. In the second half, I found it.”

Fulmer was impressed, saying, “The kid (Craft) is a coach’s son, a very talented young man. He throws the ball extremely well. He threw four picks in the first half, but it didn’t seem to faze him. He just executed very well in the second half.”

Gone is the time that the Tennessee Volunteers can count on Britton Colquitt to pin the opponent precariously near their own goal line. Or at least for four more games, at least one of which, given Monday's result, is an absolute must win for Fat Phil Fulmer. In two weeks Florida travels to Knoxville, and a loss to the Gators could make it impossible for Fulmer to fulfill his contractual obligations in only his first year of the extension.

"Yes, the UCLA-Tennessee game could have gone either way," Coach said, "but it went against the Vols in overtime, and that loss to the Bruins raises some serious questions about Fulmer, with the most serious being: How can a head coach in his seventeenth year at the helm of a top SEC team (Phil Fulmer), lose to a coach that was tossed out of the game of college football just a few years ago (Rick Neuheisel), and took over an UCLA football program that was on the verge of disappearing from the Pac-10? Answer: There is no legitimate answer to that question, and that is why Phil Fulmer finds himself right back on the Hot Seat! Tennessee was breaking in a new QB and offensive coordinator, but it was the Tennessee defense that let the team down in the fourth quarter, when they could not stop a third-string QB and a banged-up UCLA offense."

Coach added, "Phil Fulmer and his staff got out-coached on a beautiful night in the Rose Bowl, and that has become an all too familiar story in recent years in Knoxville, and that means the pressure is going to very high and intense as the Vols look ahead to a “MUST-WIN” game against Florida in two weeks. Welcome back to the Hot Seat Phil Fulmer! As tough as the SEC is these days, it is going be damn hard to get off of the Hot Seat this time."

"If there was even a shred of doubt that UT will never return to football prominence under Phil Fulmer, it was completely obliterated last night." said one Tennessee fan after the game.

In rare form, Coach had this praise to add, "Congratulations to Rick Neuheisel for a nice win in his opening game at UCLA. One really wonders what UCLA would have done to Tennessee if they had been able to play the 10 or so starters that got injured in fall camp and in the first quarter of Monday night’s game?"


"...fuck you Fat Phil, I hate you too...."

Both offenses were pitiful and out of rhythm in the first half, with Craft having a particularly miserable time, going 7-of-18. Crompton did have 119 yards passing by halftime, going 11-of-23, with one interception. Lincoln was short on two field goal tries in the opening half, from 51 yards in the first quarter and 55 in the second. UCLA did not play spectacularly until the flourish of it's final game lead-taking drive in regulation, but what they proved was that it does not take even a marginally good team to beat Tennessee on any given day of the week. Kevin Craft was originally listed as the third quarterback on the Bruin's depth chart before injuries took their toll on the Bruins this August, and the trend continued at game time to such an extent that by the end of the first half the Bruins were missing seemingly half of their team. Craft was numerically, definitely, irreplaceable, and one wonders the veracity of the story Slick Rick Neuheisel told coming out of the locker room to start the second half, and what effect it may have had in bolstering Craft's confidence. Craft came out in the second half an entirely different player, throwing far less interceptions and completing way more passes to his own players.

Along with a new quarterback, each team was beginning its first season with a new offensive coordinator, Norm Chow at UCLA and Dave Clawson with the Volunteers.

The Bruins, plagued by quarterback injuries, went 6-7 last year before firing Karl Dorrell and bringing back their prodigal son. Neuheisel is a former UCLA quarterback, 1984 Rose Bowl MVP, and former PAC-10 coach who was literally disbarred from college coaching in 2003. Rick Neuheisel earned the nickname Slick Rick for his well-documented recruiting violations at Colorado and Washington, leaving both schools on probation after his departure. It would require going into too much detail describing here all at least 80+ NCAA official allegations of recruiting improprieties, ethics violations, witness tampering, illegal interstate commerce, wire fraud, gambling, and other lesser crimes and misdemeanors previously linked to Rick Neuheisel.

"It's good to be back at UCLA, baby," Neuheisel declared loudly via Jumbotron in a speech that took place as devastated Tennessee players, coaches, and personnel vacated the increasingly threatening environment. Coach Fulmer declined to be interviewed by ESPN's Erin Andrews and sulked into the locker room as quickly as possible. With the pomp and ceremony taking place in the Rose Bowl, it would seem that Neuheisel was The Coming of the Mechanical Christ. "We talked to this team all along about being relentlessly positive..."


"...all behold the New God Krishna..."

"we will follow you to hell Mechanical Christ!"

My Picks for Week 1 of SEC Action

My Picks for Week 1 of SEC Action
for 24-Hours of Propaganda



Thursday, August 28, 2008
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Vanderbilt (0-0)
Miami Oh (0-0)

7:30 PM VANDY: 91% My pick: Vanderbilt. Only because I want them to win. I generally want every SEC team to win every out of conference game.


NC State (0-0)
S Carolina (0-0)

8:00 PM USC: 87% My pick: South Carolina. Spurrier should have an ingenious game plan drawn up, and even if he does end up going with the punter at quarterback the Wolfpack will go down. I expect to see The Visor be thrown about five minutes before halftime, and again in the middle of the third quarter, after which it may not be put back on. For Blake Mitchell the Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome will finally start wearing off, and he may be able to sleep a whole night and know that Spurrier will not be sending him random football related txt messages late in the night and early in the morning, tormenting him.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Ga Southern (0-0)
Georgia (0-0)

12:30 PM UGA: 99%. My Pick: UGA. Georgia Southern suspending something on the upwards of 8 players for this game ensures that UGA will have to try hard not to go over the 90 point spread. I think The Spread is going to be more than The Over.

Hawaii (0-0)
Florida (0-0)

12:30 PM UF: 97% My Pick: Florida. Apparently 97% of people agree. The other three percent live in Hawaii. They'd have a strong case if they still had Colt Brennan, who has looked fantastic for the Redskins in the preseason.

Appalachian St (0-0)
LSU (0-0)

5:00 PM LSU: 96% My Pick: Appalachian State. I am of the 4% who remember the first week of the season last year, and Appalachian State upsetting Michigan in "the biggest upset in sporting history" (before the Super Bowl in February). Not only that, but I remember that their quarterback ran for and passed for 17 touchdowns last year running the Spread Offense. I have also heard rumors that in Division II (now referred to by the NCAA as "football championship subdivision") they actually have a football playoff, and somehow, by some sort of weird Division II magic, play to determine the National Title, without an ensuing loss of academic integrity or sheer anarchy that would happen if we were to do that in Division I (now referred to by the NCAA as "football bowl subdivision"). Ironically, the Appalachain State Mountaineers are the three-time defending Division II (FCS) National Champion. This matchup will be the first time that the defending Div I (FBS) and Div II (FCS) champions will meet on the field. My decision goes based almost entirely on the two sets of QB stories behind the teams. ASU's junior quarterback, Armanti Edwards, is probably already the most successful quarterback in FCS history. He is a top-notch dual threat and one of only six players in history to pass for 2,000 yards and rush for 1,000 yards in a season, and was just 52 yards short of duplicating the feat despite missing significant time. Edwards is coming into his junior season as ASU’s all-time leader in total offense (266.9 ypg) and rushing (106.1 ypg) per game with a 22-2 career record as a starter. LSU is still trying to choose between the kid from Harvard (Hatch) or the redshirt freshman (Lee). I usually pick an underdog, and this would be a nice one to see even if it is an SEC team going down out of conference. It's especially fitting that losing this game will be the first purely "Les Miles Recruited" team.

Mississippi St (0-0)
LA Tech (0-0)

6:45 PM MSU: 95% My Pick: Mississippi State. Because this is one of the games even they can count on to win.

Ul Monroe (0-0)
Auburn (0-0)

7:00 PM AUB: 98% My Pick: Auburn. ULM is not nearly the powerhouse DIV II team that App State is, no matter what Alabama fans say about it.

Memphis (0-0)
Ole Miss (0-0)

7:00 PM MISS: 86% My Pick: Ole Miss. Memphis might be one of those sneaky mid-south, mid-level teams that sometimes, out of no where, has good years. But if there is anyone in the world who knows The Art of War, and by following this, knows every single facet and fact of every single player and coach of Memphis, it is Houston Nutt, who has been delving into pagen idolotry and voodoo recently in his search for the secret of winning. Very few people are allowed to talk to him directly, and when they do, he mostly quotes Hamlet and talks about "collateral damage". Most of his players have been scared shitless of him for weeks.

Westrn Illinois (0-0)
Arkansas (0-0)

7:00 PM ARK: 98% My Pick: Arkansas. It's a contract year for Bobby Petrino. It's always a contract year for Bobby Petrino. And in a contract year, you always do your best to run up the score on the high school teams you play. Petrino doesn't even bother to learn his own players names anymore, he knows it might be a whole new team and a whole new league just as likely next week so why get attached to anything?

Alabama (0-0)
Clemson (0-0)

8:00 PM BAMA: 53% My Pick: Clemson. I've got a couple names for you. CJ Spiller and James Davis. They are about to open a can of whoop-ass on Alabama the likes of which has not been seen in a long time. I predict about 250 yards of rushing offense for the Clemson "Snooty" Tigers. You know how all the teams look really bad tackling the first game of the year? Alabama will look like that times 10. The Tide will score enough to hang with Clemson most of the game, but in the fourth quarter Clemson's experience will overwhelm the "Freshman Tide" crusading Nick NITELITE Saban has assembled. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that freshman-phenom Julio Jones will not catch 20 balls and score 20 touchdowns in his first game. If he did, then Alabama would probably win, so I can see why a lot of people expect them to win. But he won't, so neither will they.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Kentucky (0-0)
Louisville (0-0)

3:30 PM UK: 57% My Pick: Louisville. Louisville lacks Brian Brohm. Kentucky lacks Andre Woodson. Andre Woodson is mostly the only reason Kentucky did that most unlikely thing, and by that I mean win footballs games, last year.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Tennessee (0-0)
UCLA (0-0)

8:00 PM TENN: 81% My Pick: UCLA. I want to go on the record and say that I hate the PAC-10 more than I hate Fat Phil Fulmer. As hard as this will seem to be to believe, it is absolutely true. So for the second time in two years I will have to root for a Fal Phil led motley-crew against a supposed PAC-10 "powerhouse". I will WANT Tennessee to win. I will root for their idiotic quarterbacks and lackasadaisal recievers. I will be mesmorized for moments by the abilities of Arian Foster. I will pull for the humanitarian story of returning safety Demetrice Morley, who after being dismissed from the team spent time living in his car. I will root for Tennessee to win, and they will no doubt lose. Probably lose embarassingly big. Colquitt, the punter and sadly probably their best player, is suspended for this and four more games after off-field incidents, so the one thing Tennessee can do better than anyone, punt, is also going to be a question mark for this big orange blob of a question mark. Mostly always injured Jonathan Crompton looks to take over the duties of departed Erik Ainge when enough duct tape can be procured to hold him together.