Tennessee loses in Overtime to UCLA, Phillip Fulmer Dazed and Confused, Slick Rick is Back!

Tennessee loses in Overtime to UCLA, Phillip Fulmer Dazed and Confused, Slick Rick is Back!
for Gods Among Men: Coaches and Coordinators in the SEC


it always feels good to beat Tennessee

The Rick Neuheisel era in UCLA is off to a dramatic start with a 27-24 victory in overtime versus 18th-ranked Tennessee. Quarterback Kevin Craft rebounded from what many would consider the nightmare of quarterbacking, a first half with four interceptions, to lead a miraculous come from behind victory. The Tennessee Volunteers went into halftime up 14-7, but during the second half excellent play by UCLA's quarterback and defense kept them in the game and pulled them away from the under-inspired Tennessee team. Tennessee had hoped to rebound from a 45-31 losing performance against California the year before, but failed to live up to advance billing.

Tennessee represented The SEC, who came into the game as the defending national champion conference with a 10-1 mark on opening weekend. The sole loser from the SEC before Monday Night's game was Mississippi State at Louisiana Tech, with Sylvester Croom's crew losing unceremoniously and unexpectedly. UCLA represented the PAC-10 in this showdown, which was 6-3 entering the contest which also reflected two inter conference games played on the opening weekend.

Fat Phil Fulmer's team looked well prepared in the first half, and Jonathan Crompton, Tennessee's oft-injured quarterback in his first starting action, played well throughout. UCLA quarterback Kevin Craft, on the other hand, threw 4 interceptions--the first two coming on sequential plays--in the first half and had he not already been the third-string starter without replacement he would have likely been benched somewhere between interceptions two and four.

Instead, when asked if he considered giving the quarterback the hook at halftime, Neuheisel said, “I told Craft that I threw four interceptions in my first start, but (Coach) Terry Donahue waited until the third game before he pulled me.”

Craft, who started five games at San Diego State in 2006, became the UCLA starter after Patrick Cowan went out for the year with a knee injury in spring practice, and backup Ben Olson broke a bone in his right foot in practice on August.

A good deal of press had gone into UCLA declaring to USC, the perennial PAC-10 powerhouse that dominates in the polls, BCS rankings, and millions of fans worldwide, that their reign was coming to an end, presumably because they, UCLA, were going to magically become good overnight. Every match-up between SEC and PAC-10 teams draws a great deal of attention, and last year Tennessee went down in the season opener to California.

What about this new guy Neuheisel? "Every sign points to falling in love with him," says analyst Larry Brown, "I’m not. I see a disingenuous snake creating something too good to be true. I’m guessing the joy of this win won’t be felt in five years when the program’s on probation."

The UCLA Bruins seemingly made adjustments well throughout the game, whereas Tennessee never seemed to alter it's offensive or defensive schemes. Besides injuries, general fatigue and cramps seemed to hamper the UCLA Bruins worse than the Tennessee Volunteers, who are used to playing at a much higher elevation. This could be a concern for UCLA when they have to start playing the likes of cross-town rival USC, or a few of the other speedy PAC-10 teams.

As expected, Tennessee special teams suffered from the loss of veteran punter and star athlete Britton Colquitt. A blocked punt resulted in UCLA's first touchdown, and in the moment, a seeming shift in momentum that petered out well before halftime with little result.

The difference between a first and third string starter at quarterback was immediately obvious, with all three of UCLA's opening possessions ending with long interceptions. Three of Craft's four interceptions were thrown right at defenders, beautifully arched and placed balls, lofted, and straight into the hands of opposing players--Rex Grossman ("As long as someone catches the ball, it is not a wasted effort") would have been proud. Jonathan Crompton, who was noticeably held together with what must have been a hectare of medical tape, performed serviceably throughout the game, countering concerns about his toughness and durability.


"...if we can hit field goals like Alabama, we can beat anybody..."

The kicking game lost the game for the Tennessee Volunteers, more than any other single component. Crompton was competent, Arian Foster was dazzling in flashes, and the Tennessee defensive backfield shut down the UCLA passing game almost completely until the fourth quarter.

“They were crying about the quarterback situation; I knew darn well they’d be ready for us,” Fulmer said. “We made enough mistakes tonight to fill three or four games. We will play better teams than UCLA is, and I know we’re a better team than we were tonight.”

“It was just a matter of settling down,” Craft said. “I wasn’t nervous at all. I just wasn’t in a good rhythm. In the second half, I found it.”

Fulmer was impressed, saying, “The kid (Craft) is a coach’s son, a very talented young man. He throws the ball extremely well. He threw four picks in the first half, but it didn’t seem to faze him. He just executed very well in the second half.”

Gone is the time that the Tennessee Volunteers can count on Britton Colquitt to pin the opponent precariously near their own goal line. Or at least for four more games, at least one of which, given Monday's result, is an absolute must win for Fat Phil Fulmer. In two weeks Florida travels to Knoxville, and a loss to the Gators could make it impossible for Fulmer to fulfill his contractual obligations in only his first year of the extension.

"Yes, the UCLA-Tennessee game could have gone either way," Coach said, "but it went against the Vols in overtime, and that loss to the Bruins raises some serious questions about Fulmer, with the most serious being: How can a head coach in his seventeenth year at the helm of a top SEC team (Phil Fulmer), lose to a coach that was tossed out of the game of college football just a few years ago (Rick Neuheisel), and took over an UCLA football program that was on the verge of disappearing from the Pac-10? Answer: There is no legitimate answer to that question, and that is why Phil Fulmer finds himself right back on the Hot Seat! Tennessee was breaking in a new QB and offensive coordinator, but it was the Tennessee defense that let the team down in the fourth quarter, when they could not stop a third-string QB and a banged-up UCLA offense."

Coach added, "Phil Fulmer and his staff got out-coached on a beautiful night in the Rose Bowl, and that has become an all too familiar story in recent years in Knoxville, and that means the pressure is going to very high and intense as the Vols look ahead to a “MUST-WIN” game against Florida in two weeks. Welcome back to the Hot Seat Phil Fulmer! As tough as the SEC is these days, it is going be damn hard to get off of the Hot Seat this time."

"If there was even a shred of doubt that UT will never return to football prominence under Phil Fulmer, it was completely obliterated last night." said one Tennessee fan after the game.

In rare form, Coach had this praise to add, "Congratulations to Rick Neuheisel for a nice win in his opening game at UCLA. One really wonders what UCLA would have done to Tennessee if they had been able to play the 10 or so starters that got injured in fall camp and in the first quarter of Monday night’s game?"


"...fuck you Fat Phil, I hate you too...."

Both offenses were pitiful and out of rhythm in the first half, with Craft having a particularly miserable time, going 7-of-18. Crompton did have 119 yards passing by halftime, going 11-of-23, with one interception. Lincoln was short on two field goal tries in the opening half, from 51 yards in the first quarter and 55 in the second. UCLA did not play spectacularly until the flourish of it's final game lead-taking drive in regulation, but what they proved was that it does not take even a marginally good team to beat Tennessee on any given day of the week. Kevin Craft was originally listed as the third quarterback on the Bruin's depth chart before injuries took their toll on the Bruins this August, and the trend continued at game time to such an extent that by the end of the first half the Bruins were missing seemingly half of their team. Craft was numerically, definitely, irreplaceable, and one wonders the veracity of the story Slick Rick Neuheisel told coming out of the locker room to start the second half, and what effect it may have had in bolstering Craft's confidence. Craft came out in the second half an entirely different player, throwing far less interceptions and completing way more passes to his own players.

Along with a new quarterback, each team was beginning its first season with a new offensive coordinator, Norm Chow at UCLA and Dave Clawson with the Volunteers.

The Bruins, plagued by quarterback injuries, went 6-7 last year before firing Karl Dorrell and bringing back their prodigal son. Neuheisel is a former UCLA quarterback, 1984 Rose Bowl MVP, and former PAC-10 coach who was literally disbarred from college coaching in 2003. Rick Neuheisel earned the nickname Slick Rick for his well-documented recruiting violations at Colorado and Washington, leaving both schools on probation after his departure. It would require going into too much detail describing here all at least 80+ NCAA official allegations of recruiting improprieties, ethics violations, witness tampering, illegal interstate commerce, wire fraud, gambling, and other lesser crimes and misdemeanors previously linked to Rick Neuheisel.

"It's good to be back at UCLA, baby," Neuheisel declared loudly via Jumbotron in a speech that took place as devastated Tennessee players, coaches, and personnel vacated the increasingly threatening environment. Coach Fulmer declined to be interviewed by ESPN's Erin Andrews and sulked into the locker room as quickly as possible. With the pomp and ceremony taking place in the Rose Bowl, it would seem that Neuheisel was The Coming of the Mechanical Christ. "We talked to this team all along about being relentlessly positive..."


"...all behold the New God Krishna..."

"we will follow you to hell Mechanical Christ!"

You Can't Hold a Drunk Like Britton Colquitt Down

You Can't Hold a Drunk Like Britton Colquitt Down
for Troublemakers Around the SEC


Tennessee Punter Britton Colquitt is probably drunk in this photo


Tennessee's game against Southern Mississippi snapped a very important streak in the hearts of Rocky Top Nation. It had been 71 games since the punting duties were handled by someone other than a member of the Colquitt family. Punting is very important at Tennessee, where scoring points is often viewed as not nearly as important as pinning the opposing offense at a very disadvantageous position. No team in the nation has been as prolific a punter as Tennessee in the previous almost-decade. In a game called "football", Tennessee has not forgotten about "the foot".

Dustin Colquitt was the 3rd round draft pick for the Kansas City Chiefs in 2005, older brother to Britton Colquitt, both of whom's father was a twice Super Bowl ring winning punter for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Britton took over punting for Tennessee, a family obligation of sorts, at the start of the 2005 season. There had already been trouble for the youth, however, and it would not end there.

As an incoming Freshman Colquitt was suspended from the team for a string of drunken disorderly situations, ranging from DUI to intoxicated brawls with women and children in restaurants. No one was safe from his short-lived reign of terror around Knoxville, Tennessee. The hometown hero-boy was ruining not only his future, but the now stately family image. Suspending him from the team, however, at the time, would not threaten "the streak", which had taken on a personality of sorts that loomed greater than even coach Fat Phil Fulmer's in the imagination of Rocky Top Nation. A Colquitt must punt, and as long as Dustin was available, Fulmer was free to discipline the younger Britton, which included the team sanctioning him and mandating that he complete his legally imposed sanctions and attend alcohol counseling.

The rumors never really subsided, though. Knoxville, Tennessee, is a very small place compared to a lot of sporting markets, and just because it's stadium can hold on the upwards of 108,000 fans doesn't mean that The Truth won't simmer below the surface of things, ready to explode in ways no one is quite ready for. On the outside it might have seemed to outsiders, and even some that thought they knew him best, that Britton Colquitt had tempered down his ways. The notoriously fun-loving and irresponsibly drinking Colquitt, who was expected to live up to his older brother's reputation as a "man about campus", lived a double life, hiding his activities from his loved ones and people who thought they knew him best.

Says Frank Gillespie, a former walk on at Oregon in 2005 as a place-kicker, "It's no secret. Punters and kickers drink at practice all the time. We get out on the practice field about 1:15, 1:30, almost an hour before anyone else, and by 4:00pm, we are usually taking vodka shots out of water bottles or tearing open a case of beer and tossing it in a cooler of ice. Anyone that's ever been to a practice has probably seen us doing that. In fact, I think that's probably where Kellen Clemens picked up the habit." Gillespie did not make the active roster and remained with Oregon's practice squad for one season.

Dinky McConnell, an independent college scout who once saw Colquitt play in a game in high school had this to add. "Coach Fulmer must have known for all this time that he had a problem with Britton Colquitt. We live in the modern age, and no secrets can be kept. It's become a joke around Knoxville to 'be as drunk as Britton Colquitt'. That's been for a couple years. So for Fulmer to act now, to a degree not even as severe as he has been towards other players, is beyond reprehensible." The very same week that Britton Colquitt's most recent drunken rage took place, two other Tennessee players had been dismissed from the team, linebacker Dorian Davis and defensive back Antonio Wardlow. Both are of African-American descent, and the vibe from many of the Tennessee faithful is that race and athletic performance determined the disparity of discipline. Reports that Jerod Mayo, former Tennessee linebacker and first round draft pick of the Patriots in this past April's draft, may have left the team because of unrest with the coaching staff have not been substantiated. Mayo had graduated in December and was not expected to return. Tennessee has been plagued by tension and racial issues before, notably during the 1998 and 2006 seasons. That it is Britton Colquitt's legendarily drunken and insanely idiotic behavior that is drawing the situation to a head may just be a matter of circumstance.

What is clear, however, is that Britton Colquitt is the current poster-boy for the baddest college football program in the land. Colquitt's arrest capped off a six-week team crime spree that had police and federal investigators reeling for months in Knoxville. First, Knoxville police cited freshmen wide receivers Gerald Jones and Ahmad Paige for possession of marijuana following a traffic stop near campus while the two hosted a recruit from Oklahoma on his official visit. Freshman offensive lineman William Brimfield who was with Paige and Jones at the time was not charged by police, but was disciplined by Fulmer nonetheless. Ten days later UT police arrested freshman tailback Daryl Vereen for public intoxication and underage consumption after responding to a call of a fight in progress outside Gibbs Hall, an on-campus residence hall located across the street from the Neyland-Thompson Sports Center. Less than a week later Knoxville police arrested junior All-SEC lineman Anthony Parker for disorderly conduct at an off-campus apartment complex. A quiet week and half took place before walk-on defensive back Vince Faison was arrested for DUI after UT police found the 27-year-old former professional baseball player passed out behind the wheel of his truck in the parking lot of an on-campus fast-food restaurant with the engine running and his foot on the brake pedal with the vehicle in gear. Then Fulmer dismissed sophomores Dorian Davis and Antonio Wardlow for an undisclosed violation of team rules. Both players had been arrested within the last year and a half. In the last 10 years two Coach Fulmer recruited players have gone on to kill people, Dwayne Goodrich and the celebrated Leonard Little. Others in Coach Fulmer's list of notably infamous players coached include Jamal Lewis, who served time in federal prison for his involvement in a drug deal. Travis Henry, who has fathered a minimum of nine children by nine different women and whose lawyer has said; "...doesn't have any money. The guy has significant financial issues". Albert Haynesworth was the talk of the NFL in 2006 when he viciously stomped on a Dallas player’s face during a game and almost killed him.

In general, the national perception of Tennessee has been solidified as a preeminent leader in off-the-field transgressions, rivaling even the current Cincinnati Bengals or the legendary Miami Hurricanes of the 1980's and 1990's. In the 1995 even Sports Illustrated advocated for the temporary suspension if not permanent termination of Miami's football program.

Coach Fulmer has been on the hot-seat off and on for a few years, and his most recent brush with unemployment came when he failed to sign highly sought after recruit Jimmy "The Kid With the Golden Arm" Clausen. There was speculation that Rick Clausen, Jimmy Clausen's older brother, played sparingly his senior year only because of ongoing negotiations with the Clausen family, and Fulmer came under intense fire when Jimmy Clausen ultimately decided on Notre Dame. Ironically, Jimmy Clausen has come under scrutiny for alcohol related off-field transgressions, and would have fit in perfectly in Fulmer's program.

So, during the evening of February 16 and early morning of February 17, 2008, as Britton Colquitt proceeded to get intoxicated far beyond the legal limit, little did he know the future of his Coach's career may be hanging in the balance, and ultimately, that his actions may have a direct and lasting effect in nearing the University of Tennessee to it's decision in replacing Fat Phil Fulmer. Knoxville police arrested Colquitt for DUI and leaving the scene of an accident after he struck a parked car, causing damage to parked cars, public spaces, and a tree stump. Upon being detained by police, Colquitt was so drunk that he could barely stand up and had apparently urinated on himself.

One of Colquitt's high school sweethearts, Becca, rose to his aide publicly after his arrest, stating, in part, " I...dated him in high school and have remained close with him since. He is a wonderful, kind, caring young man that any person would be privileged to know. He knows his mistakes, owned up to them and is making the changes that need to be made to better himself and everyone involved. He has accepted his consequences every time, this one included…even more so this time. He has a lot on him right now....Do you not think he gets it?…that he understands whats a stake here? Can you imagine the pressure he walks around with on a daily basis before this…then think about it now. Have you never made the same mistake more than once? I doubt it."

Coach Fulmer came under immediate fire for the Colquitt debacle and his subsequently soft punishment, and no one was more vocal than John Adams of KnoxNews.com in calling for Fulmer's immediate dismissal. Untold large amounts of donor money has stopped flowing into Tennessee's coffers, and the cupboard is already noticeably bare of up-coming blue-chip quarterback or skill player talent. How much longer can Coach Fulmer hold his tenuous grasp on his job?

Maybe exactly as long as Britton Colquitt can stay off the sauce, stop driving around, not beat up innocent people in restaurants, and commit as few felonies and misdemeanors as possible. In the end, it might be difficult for Colquitt to be remembered as a "coach killer" when the coach was killed by how many killers he has already coached.

My Picks for Week 1 of SEC Action

My Picks for Week 1 of SEC Action
for 24-Hours of Propaganda



Thursday, August 28, 2008
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Vanderbilt (0-0)
Miami Oh (0-0)

7:30 PM VANDY: 91% My pick: Vanderbilt. Only because I want them to win. I generally want every SEC team to win every out of conference game.


NC State (0-0)
S Carolina (0-0)

8:00 PM USC: 87% My pick: South Carolina. Spurrier should have an ingenious game plan drawn up, and even if he does end up going with the punter at quarterback the Wolfpack will go down. I expect to see The Visor be thrown about five minutes before halftime, and again in the middle of the third quarter, after which it may not be put back on. For Blake Mitchell the Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome will finally start wearing off, and he may be able to sleep a whole night and know that Spurrier will not be sending him random football related txt messages late in the night and early in the morning, tormenting him.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Ga Southern (0-0)
Georgia (0-0)

12:30 PM UGA: 99%. My Pick: UGA. Georgia Southern suspending something on the upwards of 8 players for this game ensures that UGA will have to try hard not to go over the 90 point spread. I think The Spread is going to be more than The Over.

Hawaii (0-0)
Florida (0-0)

12:30 PM UF: 97% My Pick: Florida. Apparently 97% of people agree. The other three percent live in Hawaii. They'd have a strong case if they still had Colt Brennan, who has looked fantastic for the Redskins in the preseason.

Appalachian St (0-0)
LSU (0-0)

5:00 PM LSU: 96% My Pick: Appalachian State. I am of the 4% who remember the first week of the season last year, and Appalachian State upsetting Michigan in "the biggest upset in sporting history" (before the Super Bowl in February). Not only that, but I remember that their quarterback ran for and passed for 17 touchdowns last year running the Spread Offense. I have also heard rumors that in Division II (now referred to by the NCAA as "football championship subdivision") they actually have a football playoff, and somehow, by some sort of weird Division II magic, play to determine the National Title, without an ensuing loss of academic integrity or sheer anarchy that would happen if we were to do that in Division I (now referred to by the NCAA as "football bowl subdivision"). Ironically, the Appalachain State Mountaineers are the three-time defending Division II (FCS) National Champion. This matchup will be the first time that the defending Div I (FBS) and Div II (FCS) champions will meet on the field. My decision goes based almost entirely on the two sets of QB stories behind the teams. ASU's junior quarterback, Armanti Edwards, is probably already the most successful quarterback in FCS history. He is a top-notch dual threat and one of only six players in history to pass for 2,000 yards and rush for 1,000 yards in a season, and was just 52 yards short of duplicating the feat despite missing significant time. Edwards is coming into his junior season as ASU’s all-time leader in total offense (266.9 ypg) and rushing (106.1 ypg) per game with a 22-2 career record as a starter. LSU is still trying to choose between the kid from Harvard (Hatch) or the redshirt freshman (Lee). I usually pick an underdog, and this would be a nice one to see even if it is an SEC team going down out of conference. It's especially fitting that losing this game will be the first purely "Les Miles Recruited" team.

Mississippi St (0-0)
LA Tech (0-0)

6:45 PM MSU: 95% My Pick: Mississippi State. Because this is one of the games even they can count on to win.

Ul Monroe (0-0)
Auburn (0-0)

7:00 PM AUB: 98% My Pick: Auburn. ULM is not nearly the powerhouse DIV II team that App State is, no matter what Alabama fans say about it.

Memphis (0-0)
Ole Miss (0-0)

7:00 PM MISS: 86% My Pick: Ole Miss. Memphis might be one of those sneaky mid-south, mid-level teams that sometimes, out of no where, has good years. But if there is anyone in the world who knows The Art of War, and by following this, knows every single facet and fact of every single player and coach of Memphis, it is Houston Nutt, who has been delving into pagen idolotry and voodoo recently in his search for the secret of winning. Very few people are allowed to talk to him directly, and when they do, he mostly quotes Hamlet and talks about "collateral damage". Most of his players have been scared shitless of him for weeks.

Westrn Illinois (0-0)
Arkansas (0-0)

7:00 PM ARK: 98% My Pick: Arkansas. It's a contract year for Bobby Petrino. It's always a contract year for Bobby Petrino. And in a contract year, you always do your best to run up the score on the high school teams you play. Petrino doesn't even bother to learn his own players names anymore, he knows it might be a whole new team and a whole new league just as likely next week so why get attached to anything?

Alabama (0-0)
Clemson (0-0)

8:00 PM BAMA: 53% My Pick: Clemson. I've got a couple names for you. CJ Spiller and James Davis. They are about to open a can of whoop-ass on Alabama the likes of which has not been seen in a long time. I predict about 250 yards of rushing offense for the Clemson "Snooty" Tigers. You know how all the teams look really bad tackling the first game of the year? Alabama will look like that times 10. The Tide will score enough to hang with Clemson most of the game, but in the fourth quarter Clemson's experience will overwhelm the "Freshman Tide" crusading Nick NITELITE Saban has assembled. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that freshman-phenom Julio Jones will not catch 20 balls and score 20 touchdowns in his first game. If he did, then Alabama would probably win, so I can see why a lot of people expect them to win. But he won't, so neither will they.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Kentucky (0-0)
Louisville (0-0)

3:30 PM UK: 57% My Pick: Louisville. Louisville lacks Brian Brohm. Kentucky lacks Andre Woodson. Andre Woodson is mostly the only reason Kentucky did that most unlikely thing, and by that I mean win footballs games, last year.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Tennessee (0-0)
UCLA (0-0)

8:00 PM TENN: 81% My Pick: UCLA. I want to go on the record and say that I hate the PAC-10 more than I hate Fat Phil Fulmer. As hard as this will seem to be to believe, it is absolutely true. So for the second time in two years I will have to root for a Fal Phil led motley-crew against a supposed PAC-10 "powerhouse". I will WANT Tennessee to win. I will root for their idiotic quarterbacks and lackasadaisal recievers. I will be mesmorized for moments by the abilities of Arian Foster. I will pull for the humanitarian story of returning safety Demetrice Morley, who after being dismissed from the team spent time living in his car. I will root for Tennessee to win, and they will no doubt lose. Probably lose embarassingly big. Colquitt, the punter and sadly probably their best player, is suspended for this and four more games after off-field incidents, so the one thing Tennessee can do better than anyone, punt, is also going to be a question mark for this big orange blob of a question mark. Mostly always injured Jonathan Crompton looks to take over the duties of departed Erik Ainge when enough duct tape can be procured to hold him together.