Thursday, September 4, 2008

Week 1 SEC Round-up

Week 1 Southeastern Conference Round-up and Results
for 24-Hours of Propaganda

Week 1 was a dominant one for the SEC, against many lesser opponents, but including at least two major upsets and the Tennessee loss to UCLA. 10-2 Overall for the SEC for the week....

[W] Vanderbilt 34 at Miami (OH) 13--Miami (OH) came in with 17 returning starters, Vanderbilt with 3. Vandy came home with the decisive win 34-13. Good job Calculators!

[W] North Carolina State 10 at South Carolina 34--The Ol' Ball Coach's team came in and played hellacious defense, and marginal offense for much of the game before really breaking out late. The Gamecocks play defense so intensely they can often be mistaked for the offense on the field. NC State was ran over.

[L]Appalachin State 13 at LSU 41--I had counted on Les Miles' lack of recruiting prowess and/or game preparation to allow Appalachin State to bring their A game and take them out. I was wrong.

[W] Georgia Southern 21 at Georgia 45--How did Georgia Southern score 21 points at all? Was it against Georgia second and third stringers? I hope so for their sake.

[W] Hawaii 10 at Florida 56--Gone is June Jones and gone is winning in Hawaii. Tim Tebow is alive, which means your gonna have to bring one hell of an army to take him out. He is like Jesus and the Ark of The Covenant in one.

[L]Mississippi State 14 at Louisiana Tech 22--Did Sylvester Croom sleep through this game? Did he forget to show up? It wasn't on television and hasn't been replayed on CSS yet that I could catch, but my assumption is for some reason he didn't make it to the game on time if at all. That is the only way this could have happened.

[W] University of Louisiana-Monroe 0 at Auburn 34--Auburn posted the only defensive shutout of the week, but Tony Franklin's Undefeatable Patented Offense© failed to impress. 91.1 WEGL Sports Analyst Steven Peters on the Auburn performance, "The offense looked really sloppy. I mean, neither of the quarterbacks looked good at all, and it was like they would run the same play over and over until they got what they wanted from it. I'd say they ran maybe six plays all night. On the other hand, the defense played good, and maybe that is the one thing that can keep Auburn in games until the offense clicks, if it ever does."
Fans, apparently, who went to the game or paid $30 for it on pay-per-view may be throwing themselves out of windows because their quarterbacks couldn't throw a tantrum and their receivers couldn't catch a cold.Tuberville needs to find a quarterback, quick.

[W] Memphis 24 at Ole Miss 41--Houston Nutt does his best imatation of a woodshed beating in his first game out with The Rebels.

[W] Western Illinois 24 at Arkansas 28--Come on Bobby...It's only running the score up if you don't let them score every other possession. The people wanting to write you future checks were wanting at least 63. That's a few million dollars you just lost down the road. Take that to the bank and cash it. Are you about to become the doormat of the SEC again Arkansas?

[L]Alabama 34 at Clemson 10--

Tommy Bowden, in what is being described by some as "the worst display of poor coaching and team morale that we have ever witnessed in competitive sports" got destroyed by Alabama on National Television.

It appeared as though only the Clemson practice team had been able to make the long and perilous journey to the Georgia Dome.

Kirk Herbstreit, in the beginning of the fourth quarter, said "I'm not so concerned about the loss going on on the field right now--you win some and you lost some. I'm worried about the looks on the faces of the coaches and players when they are looking at each other." I was wrong in supposing that Bowden and his heralded "best team in the ACC" could pull off a "miracle win" against a middle of the pack SEC team. Nick NITELITE Saban, on the other hand, comes out looking exactly like what his recent star power and icon status in the history of human athletics promised us that we could expect, a year or two down the road. It may be a few more tests before people are ready to really accept that Alabama is back, but it makes good watercooler talk for now.

After Bowden’s Clemson Tigers got rolled by Nick Saban’s Crimson Tide 34-10 on Saturday, Bowden called Saban for advice: “As I talked to coach Saban, I said, ‘I’m not one to have enough pride where I’ve got all the answers. I see you got six months to study me, a guy like you, what did you see?” Bowden said Tuesday.
Saban also spoke with his father, Florida State coach Bobby Bowden; Georgia coach Mark Richt and Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer about how the Tigers would recover from the embarassment at the Georgia Dome.
There was one other one he should have made. To his brother Terry, to find out what it's like in those final hours before you are forcibly ran out of town. Make a game plan now buddy, better than the one you made for last Saturday Night.

Coach's indignation for Bowden grows steadily each day, his most Bowden inspired rant describing what he would have done if he were Bowden immediately after the football game, if Bowden in fact cared about winning or losing which no one can absolutely believe with any sort of real certainty right now. “I hope everyone in here is proud of themselves, because with your play tonight you have embarrassed your university, your families, our great fans, yourselves, and most troubling now for everyone football player in this room, you embarrassed me and this coaching staff. This Clemson team, your team, looked like it didn’t even care that they were getting whipped by Alabama, and that you didn’t show up to play this game tonight means that I did a terrible job of getting you prepared to play this game. Yes, that is my fault, because I failed somewhere along the way in identifying the players in this room that really wanted to play football at Clemson. In a few minutes, yes, I said in a few minutes, we are going to find out who does and who does not want to play football for this team and represent Clemson University. I have spoken with the management folks here at the Georgia Dome, and they have allowed us to use their field for a little while longer tonight. Don’t worry about taking a shower, and go ahead and change into the PT gear and tennis shoes that the managers are now handing out (A good coach always carries PT gear and tennis shoes for every player on road trips). Once everyone gets changed, we are going back out on that field, and we are going to find out who are the winners and who are the losers on this football team. You see, after watching this team play against Alabama tonight, I am convinced that we have a lot of losers on this team that will just lay down and QUIT when they are challenged. OK, you are really about to get challenged, so go ahead and get changed and let’s get back out on the field.”

Coach then went on to explain, "The clock is now ticking on the Tommy Bowden era at Clemson. The Clemson fans are fed up with the mediocrity that has been allowed to exist at Clemson in the Bowden era, and the debacle against Alabama has only inflamed the Tiger fan base and puts Tommy Bowden in a very perilous situation. Tommy Bowden is now coaching the rest of the 2008 season for his job. The mark that Bowden has to get into in terms of number of wins for 2008 is 8 wins. Anything less than 8 wins by Tommy Bowden in 2008, and the Tommy Bowden era is OVER at Clemson. Tommy Bowden is not only coaching for his job, but if he does not get to 8 wins in 2008, Clemson AD Terry Don Phillips will find himself out of a job as well. Let’s just be very clear about the Alabama game: Alabama came out and smashed Clemson in the mouth, and the Clemson players QUIT on Tommy Bowden. This is not the first time the Clemson players have QUIT on Tommy Bowden, and it will not be the last. Bowden entered the game against Alabama with four times the talent and four times the experience of the Tide, and the Tigers got their ass handed to them. For some reason, Tommy Bowden believes that he can continue to put mediocre and underperforming teams onto the field at Clemson and keep his job, but make no doubt about it, Tommy Bowden is now fighting for his coaching career. Luckily for Bowden, he is not coaching in the SEC, or it would already be “turn out the lights the party is over.” In the ACC, a high school team could put up a .500 record in the conference, so let’s see just see what Bowden and Clemson can do ‘08. More importantly, let’s see if the Clemson players QUIT on Tommy Bowden again this season. If they do, Bowden should be fired on the spot."

[L]Kentucky 27 at Louisville 2--My luck for picking an SEC to go down out of conference. Kentucky is ranked 11th in the nation in the Sagarin computer ratings.

[W]Tenn 24 at UCLA 27--As I expected, Tennessee would choke.They would choke after having a sizeable lead. They would choke because it doesn't take anyone more knowledgeable than an 8 year old who is fairly familiar with NCAA Football 2001+ on any console or computer system to outcoach Fat Phil Fulmer and his antiquidated model of what he thinks it takes to make a winning football team. Being a fat idiot so enamored with Jimmy Clausen's fickle affections for so long he forgot there are at least 25 other important positions to recruit. Is anyone now confused why all of the state of Tennessee's really good talent goes elsewhere? For the second year in a row Fat Phil Fulmer has been the SEC's sacrifice to the PAC-10.